Holy Smokes it's Thursday and this article is still not done. You guys really don't understand the complete lack of want to coming from myself to write this article. Why you ask? Well my mind has been on one thing this entire week. Finances? No, because I don't have any. School? Haha... yeah that speaks for itself. The one thing that I have allowed to invade my mind this week is of course, Iowa vs Penn. St. For the first time in 50+ years, the Big Ten has a top five showdown between schools not named Michigan or Ohio. St. Gameday is not going because two future SEC schools are going to have a "showdown" (it's no longer shoot out) in the Cotton Bowl. For those of you who say I should be able to have more discipline in my life when it comes to me getting completely lost in a single football game, and that in no way will I reach my financial and dream job goals if I don't fix it, I say only this...
Mike Locksley.
How in the hell is this dude a division 1 football coach?!?! The discipline his Maryland team displayed on Friday night was that of... well himself. For those of you that did not watch the Iowa vs Maryland game last Friday, all you need to hear about is the second quarter. Let me break it down really quick with a beginning point of Maryland trailed 10-7 when star WR Dontay Demus (who earlier in the week at a presser said about the Iowa secondary, "They can't cover all of us") had his leg literally blow up on a kickoff return with Iowa recovering the ball.
Second Quarter Plays Maryland: 9
Second Quarter Turnovers Maryland: 4
Second Quarter Penalties Maryland: 4
Second Quarter Iowa Points: 31.......
Second Quarter Maryland Fans Left in Attendance: 12?
Seriously people if the man in charge of this team gets to make millions while being this incompetent at his dream job, I have nothing to worry about wasting a week reading about Hawkeye football. Maryland literally had one offensive snap not be a TO or a penalty. Unreal.
"When you put the defense on Heisman difficulty."
This match-up on Saturday in Kinnick Stadium is sure to be a heavy weight bout with playoff implications and Big Ten Title hopes on the line. The best way I can even attempt to describe the sheer level of lubricated extacy that will be felt in Iowa City on Saturday is to just picture Purdue and Minnesota attempting to play football in rainy Ross-Aide stadium last Saturday and then picture the exact opposite of that. Now thats what you call painting a picture with words.
Perfect personification of Purdue Football
Elsewhere across the league Michigan stormed Maddison and hit Wisconsin right in the ribs. Well actually Graham Mertz's ribs, and came away with a blow out victory. I almost feel bad for Mertz who is quickly becoming WRBL's leading candidate to take up the throne of Rocky Lombardi as QB Dunce of the league. The brother was told to stand tall in the pocket during the game. To his credit he was doing it... until he wasn't...
Just when you think the five successive shots at the bar isn't going to affect you.
As of today he is fine, and no the official GM rib protector is not yet available for purchase on the official Graham Mertz website yet. It's coming out next week. Michigan has Nebraska on the road on ABC in prime time on Saturday. I know its on ABC because undefeated Michigan is involved but still, can we please get Scott Frost off our television screens. In fact, I vote for all of Nebraska football to only be viewed on one sports network moving forward...
"If it's almost a sport, we've got it here."
Here is how the action across the rest of the league and teams with WRBL's vested interest played out:
Illinois beat the 49er's. No I don't have to elaborate.
I was told by a drunk Cincinnati fan that Bear Cats are only found in the Cincinnati zoo.
Iowa State won it's vs Air scrimmage.
Joey Freshwater loves popcorn...
Nick Saban hates popcorn
Indiana is a basketball school. (Hardly that even).
Ohio. St and the rest of Columbus are beginning to embrace the "grind" of a season.
Girl's name is supposedly Caymen Nebraska...
Urban Meyer will be Nebraska's new football coach. What can he say he loves the state.
Ok let's not go down the rumor trail here and talk about something of actual national importance... The standings. Here are the results after five weeks of war.
As you can see we have a new leader of the WRBL army. A historically good week from the league ends with Derek usurped his second half of the league in Ben for the top spot after a monstrous week that saw him go 7-3 and accumulate 46 points! Rumors are swirling though throughout the national media about Derek as his return from a "fishing trip" in Minnesota. Multiple sources have come forward saying Derek was spotted in Minneapolis at TCF Bank Stadium in the company of PJ Fleck. Is Fleck trying to burrow his way into our league and get a portion of the league winnings by way of his new mole? We shall see, but for now, Derek cannot be trusted.
Another member of the league put together a 46 point week and that was another newbie in Ian. After being much maligned for the first several weeks, this rookie posted a record of 8-2 to reach his 46 points. Is this the jolt of energy needed for Ian to rocket himself up the standings? Recent history says no but as of now he's positioned himself for a chance.
Both 46 point performances by Derek and Ian tied the league record for points in a week... the previous record that is. Finishing the week with a 9-1 record and amassing 47 points for a new record was "little brother" Graber, Blake! An outstanding performance in week 5 sees him within 30 points of the top of the table. I believe Blake is trying to undermine his brother who has overshadowed his own performances since the birth of the league. Watch out Tyler, Blake is up something.
The Birth of Blake
Unfortunately for him, being that the league as a whole did so well, his gains were not maximized. After last years probe into the legality of my Week 2 9-1 record, I can assure you that this achievement is valid and will be hard to beat moving forward. Blake's only blemish was putting 8 points on Purdue to which I say, "Why?" Congrats Blake. Tyler still has more points than you though.
Two others cracked the 40 point barrier this week and they were Matt and Michael who each amassed 40 points. Mike going 7-3, Matt 6-4. There are a ton of interesting analytics going on league wide at the moment with points per win data that will be looked at at the halfway point in the season and these two are in the thick of it. To further that point Luke recorded a 7-3 record this week and amassed just 37 points.
The middle of the pack this week continues to see the same average performances. Disgraced former leader Evan scored 35 points to lead the average Joes and nothing else can really be said about this group. Guys, if you want to be written about you either need to kick ass or suck eggs! I gave Blake the same talk two weeks ago and he has chosen to do something with his league life. If you choose to suck, thats fine, I'll introduce you to your basement companions.
Buddy, Poods, and myself are super awesome roommates. If you choose to come down to the basement and chill with us we'd be exstatic! The quick specs on the floor plan down here is a cosey 82 sqft, studio style living area with 46 bathrooms! How are there 46 bathrooms? well because there are 46 piles of s*** dotting the floor. Oh, there is one of those Caligraphy barnwood signs saying "Gather" on the wall over our fold away table so you know we're legit.
The basement oozes class
Here are the lines for Week 6.
Get your Popcorn ready! It's going to be a hell of a weekend! Until next time, WRBL marches on.
Comments
Post a Comment