Sunday Fun Day: Alabama, Clemson, Ohio State... And Notre Dame

Welcome back boys! Technical difficulties along with me questioning if I shall ever watch football again after Iowa fell to 0-2 last with a loss to Fatty Fitzgerald have kept me from writing another post for over a week now, but just like the Irish... I'm Back! Sorry Blake, Tyler, Dalton, Ethan, Brent, and the rest of the college football universe. But really, after the week that was in this country we certainly could have used some sparks from the sports world to get us back into even head space. And for the most part that is exactly what we got. Unless you are a Michigan or Penn State fan, this was a great weekend. Lets start in South Bend, er... I mean, Notre Dame, IN, and comment on the best game this college football season has given us so far. I am not a Notre Dame homer, that distinction belongs to Ben, Buddy, and our current Golden Domer Teddy, but I will quietly admit that ND looked great Saturday night. Going in to the game the prognosticators already had handed Clemson the pass with Trevor Lawrence being out and rightfully so. Along with Lawrence being unable to go, Clemson was out four of their best players on defense. For any other team this would be an issue. Dabo Sweeny however simply inserts a 6'5 250 pound freshman QB who throws a football as fast as the golf ball I'm going to throw at Luke's nuts for telling his friends they can show up at noon at the golf course this past Saturday and that Blake and I can fit them in... Luke, it was 75 freaking degrees outside and every old man in the greater Michiana area was out putzing around playing shitty golf while yelling about how Pennsylvania was a fraud and that Michigan couldn't be a blue state because everybody who was out golfing said they voted for Trump! We were able to start his friends on hole #8 but still, Luke, Titlist to the left nutsack next time for you. Anyways, This quarterback for Clemson with a name only the Holy one (Mike Tirico) can pronounce, had the greatest single game by a visiting starting quarterback in Notre Dame Stadium history. And why wouldn't he? The man who helped give birth to him is the definition of "FREAKING UNIT!" 

DJ Uiagalelei's Dad "Big Dave"

With that being said, any argument claiming Lawrence would have altered the game is gone. Clemson's offensive line had nobody out and the ACC's all-time leading rusher, Travis Etienne, was healthy and the Irish completely shut down the Tigers rushing attack. Etienne finished the game with 28 yards on 18 carries! On the flipside, Notre Dame was able to rush the ball for 208 yards. While some of those yards came on a chunk play to open the game and Ian Book scambles, it still must be acknowledged that Notre Dame finally dominated a big game in the trenches. It honestly could have been a larger margin of victory for the Irish had it not been for a Michael Maher drop in the end zone or the fact that Ian Book's wienie arms gave up an absolutely weak fumble in the end zone. Rumor has it that Book tried to gain access in to the Salty Spitoon after the game but was denied entry by Reggie who, upon saying to Book, "Welcome to the Salty Spitoon how tough are you", heard about the fumble and sent him packing to Wienie Hut Jr. Upon entering the fine wienie establishment, Book ran into two others...

Franklin and Harbaugh can take solace however in the fact that they're ineptitude as college coaches has not landed them in Scott Frost's house of the past three years...

For those of you who must not have had a clue growing up and have no idea what I'm talking about, go educate yourselves on who lives in a pineapple under the sea.

In all seriousness, Notre Dame has deserves mention now with the kings of college football. Alabama, Clemson, Ohio State, and Notre Dame are far and away the 4 best teams this year regardless of how much Luke thinks Oregon should be in the playoff because they're undefeated. The Irish won at the line of scrimmage against a great team and that is the difference in this years ND squad from years prior. This team is bound for greatness. At least it was until Teddy and the rest of his undergrad cohort rushed the field and exposed the entire team to COVID hence forth ending the championship run. Nice job dude. 

Lets move onto to more important business matters though, league results. It is becoming strikingly clear that there are two blood strains in this league that are simply superior to the rest. The Fullenkamp and Graber brothers are beginning to stake their claims at the top of standings with consistent performances in each of the first three weeks. Let it also be known though that the two eldest of both family lines sit higher than the their younger siblings signifying the beginning of some normalcy to everyday life again. Here are the standings and the points table after week 3.

As you can see, there is a growing gap between the haves and have nots of this fraternal order. The "Graberkamps" remained steady with the continually surprising performances of Luke giving chase. After the front five, the table is filled with a combination of mediocrity and disappointment. After an opening week of 30 pts, the wheels have fallen off for Buddy as he is 7-13 the last two weeks. COVID Teddy is in the passenger seat along side Buddy with nothing to show but underwhelming results. Brent sits alone in 8th place after a resurgence in week 3 that saw him score the most points in the league with 40 and almost  run the table, but alas he went 6-4. Sitting in 9th is Ben who still cannot break through. I would equate Ben's performance thus far to a 36 year old guy who lives in his parents basement. The basement is 400 square feet, has its own bathroom, maybe a fridge with some Buschlight, and a tv lined up in front of the old futon he uses as a bed. Its not great, but Ben seems comfortable enough to want to stay there. At the bottom, we have Dalton. Oh Dalton, where do we begin. Supposedly he is operating under protest for the remainder of the season after allegations of point scoring fraud were running rampant....

Dalton continues to rewrite the book on futility. This week he went a miserable 3-7 and should have been 2-8 after he picked Oregon twice while leaving out his supposed pick for Iowa. We gave him the benefit of the doubt and rewarded him a whopping 1 point for the game. The League wide reaction to the matter went as such...

Now in Daltons defense, that one point counted as a 6% increase to his score this week😂. Dalton I'm sorry bud, I haven't even met you and feel like I'm severing what could have been a blossoming friendship. I just want you to be better. You can do it... I think. I don't want you in week 4 to go down the path Stanford's kicker did on Saturday (any time the announcer says "kicks" replace with "picks" and "kicker" with "picker").

That's all I've got for you this week. I've written this thing three times now so it is what it is. My final thought is that Northwestern and Indiana are still on a collision course for the Big Ten Championship game and Nebraska still doesn't have a win👌. Here are the lines for this week and may the odds again be in your favor✌.